Friday, July 21st, 2017 08:24 pm
DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOUR THERAPY WORKBOOK: //arrives

MOI: //stares at it with mixture of fear, wariness and resistance

//eyes copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn instead
Friday, July 21st, 2017 04:55 pm
My memory has been even more blitzed since the news of Bennington's suicide (sorry, everyone I was commenting with) so today, I apparently double-dosed every single med I take. There are quite a few. (Two antidepressants, one mood stabilizer, two acid reducers, baby aspirin, an NSAID, blah, fucking blah....)

A WINNER IS ME.

I guess in a couple of hours, I'll be hypomanic/super-stable, all chronic pain will be totally gone and my sinuses will be extra SUPER clean! XDDDDDDD

(if brains are so fucking important you'd think they'd work right)
Friday, July 21st, 2017 06:32 am

Originally published at Novel Gazing Redux. You can comment here or there.

I’m back from Boston! I had a lovely time going to Readercon and writing and seeing friends and riding back and forth on the T and wandering up and down Mass Ave. I am now convinced that wandering up and down Mass Ave is a substantial part of what you do in Boston. Things are there. Also, every time you come out of the Harvard T, there is Greer Gilman, so it is written and so it must be.

But other, less eternal things are written, and you can read them! Such as this interview about my story in the July/August issue of F&SF. Interview with me! Things you might want to know! or maybe not, but there it is anyway.

I answered these interview questions in the spring, and one of the things they’re showing me now is that life moves fast. Well. I knew that. And if it’s going to move fast and smell all right while it goes, I’d better get a load of laundry in. More, much more, soon, now that I’m home for awhile.

Friday, July 21st, 2017 01:04 pm
I'm going to be cancelling my paid account at Photobucket,
so you may notice a lot of dead image links at some point in the future here.
(Right now they're still being hosted because I have a paid account).
I've switched over to SmugMug, so everything should be hosted from here on in.
So we should be good for a little while longer anyway.
Now let's see if this works.


Orange-Bellied Parrot as Totem



Pesquet's Parrot



Pale-Headed Rosella


Friday, July 21st, 2017 09:31 am
I want an alternative evolution where humans hibernate in winter.
Thursday, July 20th, 2017 04:23 pm
MOI: Hey I feel less soul-crushingly depressed, let's see if I can make it from the bed to the sofa.

INTERNET: GUESS WHAT ANOTHER ADDICTED ARTIST WITH A MOOD DISORDER IN YOUR GENERATION DIED, WANNA GUESS HOW, GO ON, JUST GUESS

MOI: //would set shit on fire if not glued to couch


Everybody's sharing that "Hunger Strike" duet but I can't fucking listen to that right now, although they both look so joyful, it just breaks my heart. Been listening to this on repeat instead.



One promise you made
One promise that always remains
No matter the price
A promise to survive
Persevere and thrive
And dare to rise once more



and this one made me feel a little less crap.

Monday, July 17th, 2017 04:05 pm
MOI: Life is a confusing huge chaotic system, the internet is undermining everyone's attention span and especially mine, global politics is a horrible Roman circus, global warming will kill us all, I can't think coherently in sentences anymore

T: ....did you remember to take your sertraline and oxcarbazepine before 3 PM?

MOI: -- MOTHERFUCKEDY


(I should really take one of each in the morning and again in the late afternoon, but LOL I can barely remember to take ALL my pills once a day in a huge bolus, good fucking luck to my continued existence if my body ever depends on taking different medication at different times during the same day)
Saturday, July 15th, 2017 09:15 pm
It's always weird to draw a grouse while thinking of how,
in Australia,
'grouse' means 'awesome'
like: 'that's so grouse man.'
But I'm glad it's fallen out of colloquial vernacular in Perth.
I was never a fan.


Darwin's Fox as Totem // Available

 photo 2017 - Darwins Fox as Totem Original 650x_zpsl7m9fuyz.jpg

Photos under the cut. )

Red Grouse as Totem // Available

 photo 2017 - Red Grouse as Totem Original 650x_zpsmox2zpvi.jpg

Photos under the cut. )
Wednesday, July 12th, 2017 08:47 am
 So, I live with cats, all of which are not mine.  But that doesn't mean I'm not theirs.  Alice has always been a lovely cat.  I've known her much longer than the year I've been living with her.  She's taken to following me down to my room when I get home from work and demanding I sit on my bed quietly with her, giving her pets.  I've grown very fond of her.

She now has cancer.  And I'm not coping well.  Tomorrow she goes back into the vet tomorrow to see what kind of cancer it is.  The cancer is in her stomach and there's really only two types it could be at this point, and all signs point to Lymphoma in her stomach.  She got a feeding tube put in over the weekend this last weekend.  That's been an interesting experience, let me tell you.

So, I'm watching her owner try to deal with this and be tortured by this but doing the best they can for Alice, always keeping Alice in mind.  I'm trying to be strong in front of her and in front of Alice and I can feel a breakdown on the horizon.  I stayed home from work yesterday which meant that I got to help with feeding (through the tube) and I also got extra cuddles from Alice.  It was needed.

Today I find myself back at work today and the tears are waiting just behind my eyes, waiting at any moment to push forward and drench my face.  If you know of the situation and you know of the owner please be kind there, and also to me.  Again, not my cat, but how can I not love her?
Tuesday, July 11th, 2017 08:32 pm
Nelsan's father has bravely agreed for me to share the circumstances of Nelsan's heart failure. Nelsan has suffered with drug and alcohol abuse for years. After many stints in rehab, Nelsan attempted to withdraw from alcohol on his own. According to his father, during his withdrawal from alcohol he had a blood infection, his kidneys shut down, his liver was swollen, his blood pressure plummeted, and his dear sweet heart raced out of control. (via)

MOTHER. FUCKER.

But addicts don't need treatment covered by health insurance, right? We can kick it with, IDEFK, fairy dust and willpower.
Wednesday, July 12th, 2017 10:52 am
It's just winter and my motivation is low.

Also I have finally, over the years, tweaked my settings on facebook so I see more posts and less ads and less "so and so liked this" and so that's where I tend to be active these days. It still shows the same popular posts over and and over and misses other stuff and has many frustrating idiosyncrasies which are no doubt adopted in the quest to create more revenue, but despite all that it's were I get my easy online interacting with humans fix most days.

I'm so ashamed. Except not really.

Also my laptop had a crisis and I had to reset it, but fortunately was able to use the "keep my files" option. I've reinstalled most of my programs, but can't find my MS Office license - because my filing system consists of "open draw, drop item into draw, close draw" which is good if the goal is to superficially tidy before visitors arrive but not for retrieving things. But laptop is functional enough to use browser and watch videos, which is 90% of what I do with it.

Here is a photo of Mason who discovered the insulating and cushioning properties of bubble wrap and proceeded to make a nest out of it on top of some cardboard boxes right after bedtime on Monday night.
click )
Tuesday, July 11th, 2017 03:25 am
OUR HEROINE: I'm going to write a sequel to that Stucky metal arm fisting fic! It's going to be porny and fun!

FIRST LINE: //arrives

OUR HEROINE: Woohoo!

FIC: //takes a turn off to the left and is presently 1200 porn-free words of broody Angsty angst

OUR HEROINE: no wait

FIC: //more angsty, less porn, even more words

OUR HEROINE: FUCK. MY. LIFE
Sunday, July 9th, 2017 04:28 pm
I saw that Nelsan Ellis had died at thirty-nine, from complications of heart failure, and immediately thought of this:

I see their names and hold my breath. You do this when you’re a 40-something hip-hop head and you’ve glimpsed the name of an M.C. your age trending in the news. Once it might have meant tawdry scandal or legal shenanigans. Now, too often, it means someone’s been struck down. Not by bullet or blade. But by illness.

It’s like watching the return path of a deadly boomerang from our youth. That projectile picked off a cohort of young black boys via gunshot and incarceration. Now it’s having a second go around at those it missed via our blood and bones.